Preface to the Second Edition;
Foreword by Roger Fisher;
Acknowledgments;
Introduction;
The Problem:
1 Sort Out the Three Conversations
Shift to a Learning Stance:
The "What Happened?" Conversation;
2 Stop Arguing About Who's Right: Explore Each Other's Stories;
3 Don't Assume They Meant It: Disentangle Intent from Impact;
4 Abandon Blame: Map the Contribution System;
The Feelings Conversation;
5 Have Your Feelings (Or They Will Have You)
The Identity Conversation:
6 Ground Your Identity: Ask Yourself What's at Stake;
Create a Learning Conversation:
7 What's Your Purpose? When to Raise It and When to Let Go;
8 Getting Started: Begin from the Third Story;
9 Learning: Listen from the Inside Out;
10 Expression: Speak for Yourself with Clarity and Power;
11 Problem-Solving: Take the Lead;
12 Putting It All Together;
Ten Questions People Ask About Difficult Conversations:
1 It sounds like you're saying everything is relative. Aren't some things just true, and can't someone simply be wrong?;
2 What if the other person really does have bad intentions - lying, bullying, or intentionally derailing the conversation to get what they want?;
3 What if the other person is genuinely difficult, perhaps even mentally ill?;
4 How does this work with someone who has all the power — like my boss?;
5 If l'm the boss/parent, why can't I just tell my subordinates/children what to do?;
6 Isn't this a very American approach? How does it work in other cultures?;
7 What about conversations that aren't face-to-face? What should I do differently if I'm on the phone or e-mail?;
8 Why do you advise people to "bring feelings into the workplace"? I'm not a therapist, and shouldn't business decisions be made on the merits?;
9 Who has time for all this in the real world?;
10 My identity conversation keeps getting stuck in either-or: I'm perfect or I'm horrible. I can't seem to get past that. What can I do?;
A road map to difficult conservations;
Notes on some relevant organizations.